I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
