Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
