that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
