I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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