if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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