I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
