I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
