The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
