my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
