He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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