Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
