you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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