Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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