Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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