Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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