I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
