We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
