my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
