my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
