Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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