well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
