..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
