I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
