does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How naked do you want me to be?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize