there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
