turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
