i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
