I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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