I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize