Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
