it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize