Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
