Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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