so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
