wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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