The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
