i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
