here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
