this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
