i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
