take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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