So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
