dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize