I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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