i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't think brook has ever known best
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize