Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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