"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He shit in the fireplace
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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