He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
