i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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