1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
