I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
