i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
smell my finger.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize