Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
