Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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