Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
