Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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