we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize