I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
