you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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