I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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