Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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