the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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