I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
