Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
