My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
