i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
