I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
