Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize