Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
