Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
