i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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