Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
