you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
