I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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